I forgot I was writing this and now it is a long time since.
It is winter because the trees have no leaves and sometimes, in the morning, there is a frost on the grass at the back of the house. I never know what day it is and I have to ask her each day.
It seems as if the days are so short and that makes me tired, I get fed up with the television and go off to bed to make the time go faster, and then it is better. She has no idea. What it is like. I am always doing things wrong, putting things in the wrong place, she doesn't tell me so, just sighs and talks to herself. I try to get it right, doesn't matter - it will be found in the end.
I collect tissues, she says. I have them in my bedside drawer. I didn't know that until I sorted them out. Some red ones from eating out and some normal ones, all used as they are sort of crumpled, but they might come in handy. She throws
them out sometimes if she is doing a heave ho out the door. Hope there was no money in them as I do hide it around. Now then, I have to have some.
She always say I have money and there it is, she finds it. In tins, in packets, pockets, envelopes, glasses case, it is always somewhere.
We are going to a meeting she walks ahead and I can't keep up. We are going to a meeting, wait for me. My legs ache and I don't know why they don't work like they used to.
People sitting around and don't know any even though they say hello to me and ask how I am. Tea and cake and talk about Malaya, talk about R.A.F. and talk talk talk.
Get an ice-cream on the way home and then go to sleep until she wakes me to say supper is ready and football is on. Don't want to get up and stay in a bad mood, she goes off upstairs.
TODAY
An alarm goes off and she wakes me, the alarm wakes me and I look at the window and see it is not sunny but quiet and the trees are so green, so green.
My club today and she has left clothes for me to wear and I shower and come downstairs where she is waiting. Tea and toast.
'What do I do when I get there?'
'I don't know, I don't go,' she says.
'You must have some idea.'
'You say you have a coffee and then play dominoes or something like that but I haven't been.'
So I go in the mini bus and see others I see all the time and can't remember their names.
'What did you do today,' she says - I am home now.
'Played games boring really,' I say.
'Did you have a nice lunch? What did you have?'
'Piece of cake but not cake, must be pie and bits of potatoes and cabbage, not too much.' She looks tired.
I go to bed and sleep.
I get up and get fully dressed and come downstairs it is 9.30pm by the kitchen clock and I thought it was morning, I sit down and later go to bed again.
It is a sunny day, I can see out the bedroom window - can't see the time until I take my watch off the side. 8.45 and then, hold on, a bang at the door.
'There's someone at the door' I say.
She snuggles down in the bed and I am ignored. Another bang on the door.
I go downstairs and she follows me, opening the door there is a lady standing on the step and the mini-bus is turning round, it isn't my day.
'He comes on Wednesday,' she says to the lady on the step.
'Oh dear, I am so sorry.' the lady who I do not know says.
She says, why don't we have some tea and toast but first I must run the cold water and rinse the mugs, put them upside down on the plastic holder and then sort out the jams. There is marmite, peanut butter and jam but no marmalade, oh yes there is, it is in little jars I collected from somewhere or other.
'Shall I make it?' she says. She takes two other mugs out the cupboard and sets them down.
'Can't you see I am doing it just go away and leave me to do it,' I say, banging the kettle down and trying to put it on.
She goes into the sitting room and put the television on and I look in the bread bin to see what there is.
I do breakfast every morning except the day I go to the day centre, then she does it, toast and tea the usual.
Looking out the window I can see the green bags of garden waste and make a note to cut the grass today. It needs cutting most weeks now. I can't remember when I last did it but the grass grows so quickly.
I scrap the burnt bits off the toast and spread butter on it and tell her there is no marmalade.
'There is,' she says coming up behind me, 'there the lemon jar with lemon marmalade.'
Why she doesn't tell me that earlier I don't know, I think she tries to trick me all the time and also the butter is hard and I have put it in the microwave and it is all runny but never mind it will do.
It is only about ten in the morning and while she goes upstairs to do I don't know what I will watch the television with the selling of houses, doing them up, if I can get it on, the tele.
